


Roman's Story

by Kaysigns



Series: Shadows of the Past, Present, and Future [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Backstory, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Childhood Trauma, Gen, He's gone through some things, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, Roman is a smol baby that needs protection, Transphobia, first chapter is pain second is soft, i have hurt my child in many ways, takes place before Hidden in Shadows
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:20:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24343420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaysigns/pseuds/Kaysigns
Summary: Roman had three adults that shaped his life: two for the worse, and one for the better
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Thomas Sanders
Series: Shadows of the Past, Present, and Future [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1757491
Comments: 25
Kudos: 228





	1. To Be the Perfect Son

**Author's Note:**

> You guys were interested in what happened to Roman, so here you go! Pain and suffering! :D

There was a light whack at the small of his back. “No slouching, young man. Slouching is for ugly people.”

“Sorry, Mommy.” The five year-old spoke quietly, rolling his shoulders back and sitting up straight, finishing his dinner before heading upstairs to his room.

The moment he closed the door he was off like a bolt of lightning, racing around the room to grab his crayons and paper, settling down in the corner to draw his masterpieces instead of the desk covered in his homework, every letter he was asked to copy done perfectly. It was nice when he was given this time—time to just do as he pleased. He never got enough.

* * *

He finished his best drawing yet, a perfect masterpiece.  _ Van Goat would be jealous of my skills! _ He thought proudly to himself. He held the art close to his chest, throwing the door open. He then slowed down immensely, remembering the house rules, creeping down the stairs.

He peered through the bannisters, seeing his mother and father, his mother watching the news while his father talked on the phone. He walked over to them, holding the drawing up to his father. His dad simply let out a scowl of frustration and shooed him away, pointing at the phone in his hand.

Roman huffed, turning to his mother and holding the drawing up for her to see. She raised an eyebrow, taking it and looking it over. Roman was vibrating with excitement and pride.

“Oh sweetie, you could do so much better than this! And why are those flowers green and the grass blue?”

The smile slowly drifted off Roman’s face. His mother seemed to see this, smiling condescendingly down at him, ruffling his hair before standing up. “Don’t worry, champ, I’ll still put it on the fridge!” She had him follow him into the kitchen, plucking one of the letter magnets and putting the drawing all the way up at the top, before kissing Roman on the forehead and heading back to the TV.

The next day Roman saw the drawing in the trash. Lesson learned: never show grown-ups anything less than perfect.

* * *

Six year-old Roman was walking with his mother and father through the clothing department of the mall. He hadn’t really been paying much attention, simply looking around as they reached the boys’ section. As his parents discussed above him what clothes to buy, Roman wandered around a bit.

That’s when he looked across the aisle to see into the girls’ section, at the flowy pink polka-dot dress that seemed to glow in the LED lighting. He gasped, running back to his parents and pulling on his father’s shirt.

“Dad! Dad! Dad!” He sighed, turning to Roman with the fakest smile he had ever seen. Roman didn’t notice at the time, though. He simply pointed to the dress, hopping in place. “Could I get that? Pretty please? Please, please, please?”

His father looked across the aisle to see what he was pointing at, before laughing to himself. “No, that’s not for you. Boys don’t wear dresses, champ.” He then looked to his wife and, as if it were some sort of joke between them, said “We don’t want you to become one of those  _ transgenders _ , now do we?”

His parents shared a laugh while Roman stared up at them, confused. Soon some shirts and shorts had been shoved into his arms and he was being brought into the dressing room.  Lesson learned: femininity in little boys is disgusting.

* * *

Seven year-old Roman walked out of his class, tears pricking at his eyes as he tried his best to hold them back. First test of second grade, and he had already failed. 82 on his spelling test. How had he even messed up so badly? He should’ve aced it!

His uniform felt so tight as he looked around, spotting his father outside the private school. He forced his tears even further back into his skull, straightening his back out as he walked up.

His father ruffled his hair, making sure Roman’s seat belt was buckled before leaving the parking lot and heading home. “So, how’d your test go?” He asked in an expectant tone. Expecting Roman to have done well.

“I...got an 82.” His father went silent. Roman was expecting him to blow up in his face, despite the fact that his dad has never once yelled at him.

“You can do better, I know you can. You just gotta work harder.” Roman remembered trying to ask his dad for help just last night, but stayed silent. No use picking a fight.

He got a 78 on his next test. His father wasn’t pleased one bit. “Keep going down and you might end up like that cousin of yours.” And here he goes bringing up Remus again.

“You know, ever since my sister let that black nail polish slide, he just kept going down a dark path. I mean, look at him now, living on the streets, I heard he gave himself a mohawk and dyed it green! What kinda smart person does that?” Roman didn’t want to point out that his aunt had kicked him out when he came out to her. The guy deserved it,  being gay is gross . But, new  lesson learned: whatever happens, don’t be anything like Remus, especially not in grade standards.

* * *

Roman was eight when his parents left for a vacation. They had kissed him goodbye, grabbed their suitcases, and left. Roman waited for his babysitter to come for an hour in the living room. Then he realised no one was coming.

He called his parents, asking them where the babysitter was. They simply said “Oh don’t worry, your aunt’ll be over in a moment” before saying goodbye and hanging up.

So Roman waited. And waited. And waited.

Bedtime had come and he had grabbed some Oreos, quietly munching on them as he continued to wait. Then he stopped, realizing something.

His aunt had died two months ago in a car accident. Which meant there was no one to take care of him. He put down a half-eaten cookie, suddenly not hungry anymore. What was he supposed to do? The emptiness of the large house scared him too much for him to go upstairs on his own.

His parents knew his aunt had died; the two of them had grieved about it for a whole month. So why was he left under her care still?

Why didn’t they care enough to find a new babysitter?

Why was Roman alone?

* * *

It was another few days until Child Protective Services were called, after one of their neighbors became concerned that he had seen Roman in the backyard but not a single car in the driveway. CPS quickly put Roman into the foster system while they searched for any relatives. It was difficult, but it seemed they had managed to find one adult.

Thomas was an ex-brother-in-law to Roman’s aunt, and was the closest Roman had to family aside from Remus, who was still a homeless minor. So, with Thomas he went.


	2. To Be a Good Dad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman goes into Thomas's care and begins to heal

The house was so small compared to where he used to live. Only two bedrooms, a small kitchen, the dining and living rooms were just one big room! And not even a second story! And he wasn’t even gonna be going to private school anymore! Compared to his parents’ place, it was just depressing.

But, Thomas greeted him kindly enough to  _ maybe _ make up for it. He set up his room, grateful that at least his room was decently big, before pulling out his crayons and paper and trying his best at art.

By the time Thomas knocked on the door to call him out for lunch, he had finally made something he was proud of. It wasn’t good, but he didn’t completely hate it. He allowed himself to smile at it, before stowing it away under the bed.

* * *

It had been a few days since he was placed under Thomas’s care. He was a kind and caring grown-up, but Roman didn’t dare look him in the eye. His eyes overflowed with so much  _ emotion _ and empathy. Roman was scared that if he looked him in the eye, the grown-up would see every single flaw he had, and realize that he wasn’t worth all the time he’s been spending on him.

And he kept that up, his gaze slamming to the ground whenever Thomas looked in his direction.

Then one day he was drawing. Thomas, for whatever reason, had bought him a new set of crayons, a set of 64 that Roman had to struggle to contain his excitement over. He had been drawing on his bed, humming quietly to himself as he added a few swirls of a darker blue through the light blue river, not really paying attention to much. He didn’t even hear the knock on the door or the door open as Thomas stepped in. He just continued humming.

“Roman?” The kid in question screeched, reeling back so fast he had to scramble to stay on the bed. Thomas held back a laugh, apologizing and asking if he was alright. As he did so, he glanced over at the drawings laid out on the bed, before looking them over.

Panic gripped Roman’s heart. “Don’t look don’t look!” He shouted, beginning to grab up the drawings and hide them from view. Thomas, albeit confused, politely looked away, covering his eyes with his hands. “Alright, I didn’t see anything!”

Roman blinked, turning to look at this grown-up who had just looked away from his awful drawings just because he asked him to. “You aren’t upset?”

“Of course not! I didn’t see anything to be upset about.”

Roman huffed. “You saw my drawings, don’t pretend you didn’t.”

“Yeah, that’s what I meant. I didn’t see anything to be upset about.”

Roman blinked, staring as Thomas slowly took his hands away from his eyes, turning to look back down at Roman, slowly sitting next to him, gesturing at the now somewhat-crumpled drawings in his hands. Roman handed them over to him, feeling almost numb as Thomas took them and looked them over.

And then Thomas smiled. His eyes turned to Roman, and this time he didn’t look away, leaving him to stare directly into eyes radiating more fatherly pride than Roman had ever seen in his lifetime, all directed towards him and his awful drawings.

“This is so good! Is it alright if I put it up on the fridge?” The first part of his words had Roman’s heart beat with excitement, but the second part froze it in dread. Still, he nodded, following Thomas down the hall to the kitchen, where Thomas took a magnet and stuck his drawing up high on the fridge.

Roman stared up at it for a moment, knowing where he would find it later on.

It surprised him to find that it was still up there in the morning, then the day after that, then the day after that. Maybe his drawings weren’t so bad.

* * *

Roman had been with Thomas for a full month before he officially decided to take him clothes shopping. Everything had been pretty busy for him; he had been recording and editing a really big video nonstop, and hadn’t really had time to do anything else. But now that the video was ready and uploaded, they could head out.

They had gone to some random Walmart, since Roman’s new father was a peasant. To get to the boys aisle, Thomas simply cut through the girls’ aisle. Roman refrained from looking at any of the cute skirts and dresses, keeping his eyes trained forward, opting to look at the boys’ shorts in front of him.

Thomas allowed him to choose whatever clothes he wanted, which was strange enough as it was. But, Roman went through, grabbing whatever Disney-themed shirts he could find in his size. As he tried to pick a final shirt out, he accidentally looked into the girls’ section.

And there was the most incredible skirt Roman had ever seen. It was red and poofed out like a tutu. Sparkles and glitter covered every bit of it, so, just like that dress he had seen when he was six, it seemed to glow in the cheap lighting.

He realized he was staring and forced his eyes away, grabbing a shirt at random and walking back over to Thomas. He glanced up at him only to realize he had been watching Roman that whole time. Roman threw the shirt into the cart, his eyes trained to the ground.

Thomas thought for a moment, before sighing and deciding to just get straight to the point. “Do you wanna get a skirt?” Roman tensed up, shaking his head quickly. “I’m sure you’ll look adorable in it!” Thomas insisted.

Roman simply shook his head again, mumbling, “Skirts are for girls. I don’t want one.” Thomas wanted to push a bit harder and get the skirt anyway, but decided to hold back. They made their way out of the store.

“Just so you know, there’s nothing wrong with you or any other little boy wearing a skirt. It’s not hurting anyone, so why should people care?” Roman was silent as Thomas paid for their stuff, as they walked to the car, and as they drove home.

Three weeks later, Roman was carefully placing a skirt in their shopping cart.

* * *

Roman was now in third grade and was learning multiplication. And it was one of the hardest things he had ever been forced to learn. It made no sense! How did a 2 and a 3 make a 6? It should be 5!

That’s why Roman wasn’t at all surprised, yet still just as upset, when he got a 63% on his first test. He was scared to get on the bus home that day, getting in the back of the line and hoping that the bus would run out of seats and leave him there at school.

Thomas was waiting for him at the bus stop. He gave Roman his usual smile, ruffling his hair in a way that was so similar—but so different—from how his dad would.

“How was school today?” Thomas asked. It was something Roman was still getting used to—having him ask how his day was before asking about his test.

“Fine.” He answered bluntly. Thomas immediately knew something was off. He looked at Roman in the rear view mirror, before asking, “Didn’t you have a test today? How’d it go?”

“63.” Roman mumbled out. Thomas was looking in the mirror more than he probably should have been, watching Roman’s upset expression. Thomas didn’t particularly care about what grade Roman got, especially since Roman wasn’t even in middle school yet. But if it was bothering him this badly, then it was now very important.

“Were you having a bad day, or are you having trouble with the material?” Thomas asked softly, pulling up into the driveway. Roman definitely wasn’t used to that kind of question.

“Multiplication is hard.” Thomas nodded as if he understood. “It is, isn’t it? Makes no sense that the numbers do that, it’s weird.” He turned around to look at Roman.

“Mind if I tutor you a bit on it? I’ll help you with any issues you might have with it, and I’ll try and help you understand it. How does that sound?” Roman was hesitant, but eventually agreed. The two went inside and sat at the dining table, running through anything Roman asked about.

Roman got a 70% on his next test, then a 55% on a spelling test. Turns out Tho— _ Dad  _ was proud of every grade, not just the passing ones. He was always willing to tutor him if he asked.

* * *

Roman was a kid more interested in fantasy than the real world. But when he got curious about something in the real world, he got  _ very _ curious. That’s what got him to walk up to his dad early in the morning before school and ask, “Why don’t you have a wife and children of your own?”

Dad seemed taken aback, and nearly offended, by the question. He took a moment to process it, before holding back a laugh and saying, “Well, I’m gay, so if anything I would have a husband.”

Roman blinked up at him, before outright saying, “You’re not gay. That’s gross!” Dad stared back, having not been prepared to receive homophobia from his own child at seven in the morning.

“I am, I like guys. And it’s not gross, it’s just as natural as a guy loving a girl.”

“But it’s gross!”

“In what way is it gross?”

“Because! Because, umm…” Roman sputtered out nonsense for a moment, smacking his fists together as if trying to prove a point. “Just because!”

Dad crouched down to his level, putting a hand on his shoulder and looking him dead in the eye. “Like I’ve told you before, if it doesn’t hurt anyone, then why should people care? It’s okay for people to be gay, straight, bi, or whatever they identify as.”

He checked the time, before standing up and saying, “Come on, we gotta get to the bus stop!” Roman silently followed, lost in thought.

When he came back from school, he asked, “Why don’t you have a husband?” His dad didn’t have an answer for that.

* * *

When Dad had first told Roman he was getting a new brother, he was extremely upset. Why was there gonna be another person coming in? He was gonna take Dad’s attention away! When he found out that his new brother was three, almost four years old, he was even more jealous. His old parents always swooned over toddlers.

When his Dad came home with his new brother, he refused to look in their direction. Then he heard small footsteps toddling over to him, and a small finger poke him in the back. He huffed, turning around and pouting at the kid.

His eyes met round, bright blue eyes, shining with innocence. He giggled at Roman’s expression, booping his nose. Any jealousy that Roman was feeling melted away. It was hard to stay jealous of a toddler for very long, anyway.

He hugged Patton close, glad to now have a brother around to play with. He looked up to see Dad smiling down at him. That’s when Roman realized that he would never have to be alone again.

**Author's Note:**

> hopefully I'll be finishing up the second part and posting it tomorrow, but we'll see


End file.
